Janian Trauma

Oh, I will never be the same! I had the weirdest nightmare last night, and it will forever change the way I read one of my all-time favorite books.

I dreamed that I was trapped in the world of Sense & Sensibility, and that I was playing the role of Margaret, the youngest of the Dashwood daughters. In my dream, Mr. Willoughby actually did propose marriage to Marrianne (instead of running off to make a more advantageous marriage). On the day of the wedding, Willoughby rode up to the house and was as cheerful and charming as ever. I ran up to meet him, laughing, but he suddenly turned savage and grabbed at me. Right then I realized (isn't it amazing how you can automatically acquire new knowledge in dreams?) that Willoughby was actually a serial killer, and that he left the women of his past mutilated, rather than merely pregnant and destitute.

I grabbed Marianne, and we ran through the cottage and out the door. Marianne cried and fell all over the place and seemed remarkably uncoordinated, but I continued to drag her along until we reached the main road. And there, we met Col. Brandon on a horse, leading a SWAT unit towards the house. Yes, you heard me. A SWAT team descending on Barton Park cottage.

My dream ended there; but I am sure that, had my dream lasted longer, I would have seen Brandon crash through the door and dispense some fierce Tarantino-esque vengeance on Willoughby for all his wickedness.

Now, I will never be able to read S&S without envisioning men in uniform descending on the Dashwood residence, wielding automatic firearms and shouting in brutish tones. Ms. Austen, have mercy on me! Purge these thoughts so that your work will once again be pure and delightful!