Mike Nelson Ruminates on Love

from the introduction to Love Sick: A Smoldering Look at Love, Lust, and Marriage.

Love. As the chief motivator of human behavior, it is the undisputed king of emotion. It towers over lesser feelings, such as pity, or that sad-ass little emotion we call joy. In fact, if Love and Joy were in a wrestling tournament, it wouldn't even be close. Love would execute a perfect one-leg takedown followed by a step-over double arm bar for a quick pin inside of twenty seconds. Sure, Joy would shake hands afterward and maybe even force a little, "Nice match," but it would be clear that he was completely shamed and would have to drive home alone in disgraced silence. As for Pity, or Stunned Surprise? Please, they're not even fit to scrub Love's toilet.

Throughout history, the epheremal power of love has inspired the world's greatest artists: Alessandro Boticelli, William Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson, Edgar Allen Poe, and of course, Prince, who wrote, "Ever since I met you baby, I been wantin' to lay you down. But it's so hard, baby, when you're a river... Falling, falling, falling in love." He went on to eloquently express erotic longing in his immortal "Soft and Wet," saying, "Hey, lover, I got a sugarcane that I want to lose in you." These epic depictions of man's deepest desires are remarkable, especially coming from one who stands only three feet, eight inches in his high-heeled leopard-skin boots. Yet as this pan-like leprechaun of a man humps the stage with such authentic fervor, we are drawn into his expressions of love, and we, too, yearn for a quiet place to hump our own stage. Such is his genius.

As grand and glorious as love is, it is not without its perils. Anyone who has ever felt the cruel pangs of rejection knows that love is best approached cautiously, as one would approach an angry, cornered brush-tailed possum. Yes, before throwing yourself into a relationship, it's wise to buy a sturdy pair of leather gloves and to be extra careful of love's front claws and rows of needle-sharp teeth. If possible, use a partner to distract love and very quickly in behind it, grasp its prehensile tail (carefully!), pop it into a canvas bag, and, quick as you can, yank closed the drawstring - metaphorically speaking.

Perhaps worse than the pain of rejection is the emotional death one suffers when good love goes bad. Sometimes, despite their best efforts, a couple simply grows apart. One may suddenly discover an enthusiastic awakening of the faith of his childhood, while the other will satisfy a long-suppressed urge to visit an old boyfriend, Tom, at the Sunset Motel on East 3rd Street from four to six every Tuesday when she is supposed to be at her knitting class. And because he simply can't share this interest, no matter how hard he tries, the two must part.

Rather than risk the hurt, many choose to avoid the cornered brush-tailed possum of love altogether, and remain single for the entirety of their lives. We call these people "bachelors," "bachelorettes," "spinsters," or "cat owners." Though they never experience the giddy highs of love, they also never face its cruel lows. When they find, for the hundreth time, a dry, brown, half-eaten can of tuna on the counter, they feel little of the helpess rage and betrayal that their married neighbors feel, for there is a better than average chance that it was they who left it there.

Motherhood

Please welcome the first pets in my adult life, Nut and Meg. They're spice finches - very flighty, very nervous, but so darn cute. They chirp to each other in little bursts of enthusiasm, they feed together, they groom each other, and they huddle next to one another when they sleep at night. Adorable.

It has been so nice to add something living and breathing to my apartment. Not nearly as nice as another person, but the room feels so much more alive when I hear them peeping and interacting. Marcie persuaded me to buy them when she visited me last weekend, and I'm so glad that she did.

And if any of you want to see them first hand, I will willingly provide free room and board, along with some Chicago entertainment as well.