From the night before last:I was in a large grocery store/warehouse; it was spartan and didn’t have nearly as many shelves and aisles as it could have, considering its size. I was a distance from the entrance when I and the other patrons were caught in a barrage of gunfire. A large group of men had perpetrated a crime of some kind in the city, and were taking refuge from the close-pursuing police by taking over the building and holding the surviving people hostage. I was in a group of three women, one of whom was killed in the first attack. I dropped to the floor and played dead, as did the woman next to me. We were both covered in the blood of the dead woman, and we hoped we would not be noticed.
We escaped detection while the men secured the building, but after a time they went around testing the bodies and rounding up the people still alive. One of the leaders approached me, and tested me by shooting off my fifth toe to make me respond. Despite the pain, I only groaned slightly to give the impression that I was barely alive. The leader walked to the other end of the store to meet with a large group of men gathered in a manager’s office, and left two henchmen to find the other live woman, dispense of the corpse, and drag the two of us to the group of hostages. I waited until the leader entered the office, and then pulled what looked like two Walther P99s out from under my coat and shot the two henchmen. The other woman took the guns off the henchmen, and we charged the office, placing ourselves between the office and the hostages. We began firing as the group of men spilled out of the office in reaction to the gunshots, and I shouted at the hostages to run for the front door. During the gunfight, we discovered that the henchmen had blanks in their magazines – I and the three leaders of the group were the only ones truly armed. They had put blanks in everyone else’s guns so that henchmen could be easily picked off later when the caper was complete, leaving the three leaders with all of the take.
The woman next to me, never realizing she was shooting with blanks, was killed, and I managed to take out eight of the men before they retreated into the office and the SWAT team, who had just broken through the defenses in the back of the building, made it to the front and pinned down the remainder of the criminals.
From last night:I dreamt that I was working in the new Peddinghaus assembly building, when someone called me aside and told me that I needed to go to church and teach Sunday school. My church appeared next door to the building, so I went without clocking out. I taught three first grade girls, with Marilyn from work assisting me, and after the class we all walked to the main service. The pastor had been replaced by a young Colin Firth, who was laying out two knee socks filled with clay on the sacrament table. A group of women huddled outside of the sanctuary, overawed by Firth’s appearance. I didn’t want to look intimidated by his presence, so I walked in to the sanctuary, found a seat, and took off my pants. I laid my pants, a grocery bag, and my Bible on the seat, and then walked out again.
I wandered through the church for some time before I realized that I was walking around half naked, and that my sheer blouse was not helping me at all. I hurried to the information desk, where a safety meeting was being held. The ladies in the meeting were quite annoyed at my interruption, and didn’t seem to think my pantless state was that big of a deal. “Just pull your shirt down lower,” I remember one of them saying.
Suddenly, I was flanked by two beautiful, dim-witted women who promised to guide me around the church building, which at this time had grown to Merchandise Mart-proportions. The two women said that we had to find some mystical golden apples that would help all of us get to heaven. We wandered for a while, searching aimlessly, until we were accosted by Satan, looking young, vampiric, and beautiful.
He told us that we could find the golden apples in the women’s restroom. The two women believed him completely. I gave Satan an incredulous look, and he smiled at me as though we were in on some joke, just the two of us. I didn’t bother to dissuade the women from following Satan to their doom – they didn’t seem worth the effort, and their voices were very annoying. I watched them go into the restroom together, and then turned to go, when a large golden apple appeared in midair before me. I grabbed it and took a bite, and then woke up with a start.
I need to stop eating spicy foods right before bed.
I have received two in the mail thus far, and to save my life I cannot tell you how the publishers ever got my name. The Vermont Country Store proudly offers customers a range of age-specific products that have no relevance to me whatsoever: circulation hosiery, shingles ointment, varicose vein concealer, golfing visors, orthopedic shoes, and more muumuus than you can shake a stick at. If the products alone don’t make one feel young, the product descriptions blatantly trying to evoke sentimental feelings about the early 1960s will. 
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